I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
