drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
