I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
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That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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