he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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