To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
BRING THE BAGELS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
