From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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