There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
