so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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