Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
