Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
