This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
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She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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