I am spending my child support on dildos
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
