Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
