My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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