I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
