she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
