Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
