i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off