my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.