Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
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Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
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The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.