Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
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I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
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hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.