I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
