I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize