Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
