There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
