I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I could fuck to npr.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
