I wanna bring you to show and tell
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
