i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
