I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
