Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
