I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
