he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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