What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
