what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
