I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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