soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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