When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
