He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
