Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
