in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize