the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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