I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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