Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
