I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
