We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
