so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
