We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
