Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
