we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm bleeding and have questions
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
