Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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