whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
