Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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