Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
