its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
