she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
