I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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