this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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