Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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