My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I need to calm my uterus...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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