Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why do cheetos always look like penises
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
