Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I will be naked everywhere
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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