How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
