all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
