I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
