I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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