Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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