There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
