yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
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Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
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I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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