Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
