What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
