if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
