I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
