this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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